"On" and "off" relationships have a disastrous effect on mental health. According to a recent US study, people trapped in this type of scheme are more likely to be abused than others.
On large and small screens, tortuous romantic relationships, which stop and then resume when the viewer no longer expects, make us all dream. But in real life, they are far from being recommended and it is the science that says it. Indeed, according to a US study published in October in the newspaper Family Relations, "on" and "off" relationships are a great source of psychological distress for those caught up in this gear.
This scheme is particularly toxic
As part of their research, Dr. Kale Monk from the University of Missouri and his team followed 545 people. Of these, 279 were in a homosexual relationship and 266 in a heterosexual relationship. The researchers found that 60% of participants who experienced "on" and "off" relationships were exposed to more abuse than others and communicated less. They also found that relationships of this kind mostly occurred in male-male couples.
Breaking up and getting back together is not always bad for a couple as it can help both people realize the importance of their love, notes the study beforehand. But those who tend to do this regularly are subject to many problems, this pattern being particularly toxic.
To arrive at determining the real problem of the relation
The latter is indeed associated with symptoms such as depression and anxiety for a couple, have also observed the researchers. "Our results show that people who break up and recover together regularly need to determine what the real problem is in their relationship," says Dr. Monk. "If the partners are honest, they can take the necessary steps to maintain their relationship or deal with it in a healthy way.This is vital for the preservation of their well-being," he recommends, advising those concerned to review why they had broken in the first place and to determine if that reason could still be a problem.
If you are stuck in a relationship like this and do not see any way out, do not hesitate to seek help from a third party, such as a marriage counselor or a coach. In order to break the vicious circle of "on" and "off", Anna Morgenstern, coach in relations, advises in particular to keep a diary where to note why each break took place and what it made you feel. After which, describe the relationship of your dreams and your ideal partner. "Then compare these two papers and see if the people you've been in" on "and" off "for so long can satisfy your needs," explained Anna Morgenstern to the US magazine. Bustle in an article on the subject in March, before concluding: "if you realize that it can not, make the decision to end once and for all".
If you finally decide to break up with your partner, delete her phone number, her pictures and anything that could bring you back to him, she encourages. The goal is of course to make a clean sweep of the past. Once cleared of your ex, think back to your relationship with a cool head and accept your share of responsibility so as not to repeat the same mistakes in a future relationship. And, of course, count on your friends to constantly remind you why you finally broke the bridge!